It happens faster than you can wrap your head around replies, much less pause for peaceful solutions. Tonic or toxin? Poor tone shoots poison at others, and often wings back in the same form it was sent. Politicians, like Senator Bayh, quit Congress over tone toxins. Have you seen it escalate lately?
Like 8 ounces of Vodka mixed into 2 ounces of orange juice, toxic communication zaps your amygdala before you can blurt out a decent defense. How so?
He tells you he’s a listener – even advertises it as his tag line on a blog – and then interrupts you constantly on a busy day. You retaliate by ignoring him when he asks a reasonable request.
She insists she’s happy to buy lunch, only to report later to friends that you’re as cheap as a counterfeit two dollar bill. You retaliate by dropping her her off the list for your holiday extravaganza.
Even the most even-keeled communicator will admit that there are more than a few days when they wonder whether it might be a lot less stressful to hang up their cleats in favor of more tone friendly roles. How so?
Open your comments with one affirmation that’s genuine. Avoid toxins by using statement that show you are open to learn from all sides of an issue. Design one main idea at a time in your statements, so that people can see where you are going and contribute fresh new ideas to move the concept deeper. Avoid commenting when you feel attacked – because you will likely come at topics with a heated amygdala, and that will cloud your ability for clear thinking or thoughtful collaboration. Invoke novel solutions rather than vent about problems.
Did you know that novelty literally kickstarts brainpower? Look for one key topic or problem to build peaceful resolutions onto with folks from diverse backgrounds, and watch the wonder of many brains working together toward what most people crave – a finer future to replace troubled times in any area targeted.
Some 2 million American workers are victims of workplace violence yearly. Like the Vodka hidden in a whisk of orange juice, cruelty often starts with poison tone, and escalates pollutants such as racism – sip by sip. It doesn’t have to be that way.
In most relationships, not every interaction is filled with peaches and cream. There are many days when you wonder whether your words or actions can accomplish anything, and others when you will sense that you just took a bullfrog leap in the wrong direction.
Consider These Less Than Tonic Times:
A Few Suggestions for Surviving Tough Tone Days:
A Bottom–Line from Poor Tone to Genius:
Not that silver bullets exist for bad tone days, yet the best thing that builds tone is to find solutions that leave no brains behind. On bad days remind yourself that no human is invincible, and yet all make choices that balance the brain’s angel or devil parts of tone in ways that require evidence in practice.
Rather than mistakenly believe that you can do no wrong, learn and teach tools for tone. Exchange that sea of cynicism for renewed brainpower that engages voices on the other side of even the most controversial issues. That’s the tone that fueled Einstein’s brainpower to persist and invent.
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Created by Ellen Weber, Brain Based Tasks for Growth Mindset